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going crazy lol

hello everyone ..Im Kim ..i live in Australia ..my stoary where to begin lol . i was born in New Zealand and adopted by a jehovahs witness couple .

i grew up as a jehovahs witness my father was an elder but things behind closed doors were very wrong . My father sexually abused me and i now know my mother knew all about it . I started dating at 16 a brother in our cong who was 7 years older than me ..by 18 we married ..he is a good man but like a lot of jehovahs witness males he was the head . I am a very out going fun loving person and everyday my joy was being zapped . i tried so hard to be the perfect wife and mother ( that is one thing i am still sure of ) . I never got a compliment or a thank you everyday i felt like a slave ..during meetings i used to just sit there but not listen i knew i did not really beleive but how do u leave and lose it all ..things came to a head when a guy who i meet started giving me a lot of attention ..i cheated on my husband i got pregnant with the other guys baby .. i told my husband because the guilt was killing me. my husband went to the elders ( although he never felt the need to go to them about our inappropriate  behaviour as a dating couple ) i went to a committee meeting bleeding and cramping ..which did not stop anyone and they decided i was not sorry enough to God ..yes i was to my family but not to Jehovah so i was to be disfellowshipped ..that night i ended up in hospital and had a miscarrage. my husband decided to try with the marrage .. but i tell u all now the whole thing is doing my head in big time ..because everyday i get told what a bad person i am and i really cant love my kids because im willing to let them die ..my daughter who was 17 at the time decided to leave the truth and he told her if she wants that she can when she leaves home ..so she did ..i just need to talk to others and if anyone else is married to a witness still taht would be great ....sorry i tried to keep it short lol :) look forward to getting to know you ..