My name is MK Diva, I was born and raised a JW. My mom was baptized when I was 5. I can still remember it to this day. Ever since I was younger ( i am 31 now) I can remember feeling left out. I recall being in school and wanting to have some bday cake with my classmates but being told to leave the room since it was against my religion, etc. Do you know how embarassing that is for a child? Every year around Xmas my family would get together but I had to sit there and act like I didn't want to participate when I really did! To this day I still love getting my presents, lol! And I celebrate my birthday like I am a kid because for years no one made a big deal out of it. It was always "just another day". I was baptized when i was 9.. was on the DC with my best friend at the time when i was 12. And when I turned 13, everything changed. I liked boys! I was infatuated with a JW boy, and since we both could not attend our 8th grade trip, he came over my house instead. We did everything but have sex (we did try). That summer we tried again.. but we had no clue what we were doing. We ended up breaking up before freshman year of H.S, and I lost my virginity to a worldly boy. Guess who was with me throughout all of this? An elder's daughter who was also up to no good. Well, fast forward 3 years and I became pregnant. I had no clue what to do, and was scared out of my mind. I had to tell my mother, who in turn told the brothers. I was so scared about being df'd, but i knew all i had to do was tell the truth, and everything would be ok. They df'd me anyway! I was so mad, i just walked out of the room. The "backroom" as we call it. I know several JW girls/women who have not been df'd and have had more than 1 child out of wedlock!! What had i done differently than them? Well, that was the last time I stepped foot into the Kingdom Hall for about 3.5 years I was so upset. During this time I moved out of my mom's house, and lived on my own. When I moved back in with my mom she was pressuring me to come back, so I did. Partly for her, and partly for myself. Everyone was happy for me.. I was happy too.. but I always felt out of place. I always felt more "worldly" than everyone else if that makes sense. Not to mention that I was involved with a JW boy too who wasn't active.. after I was reinstated at the KH.. i went over his house to "celebrate". During this period, I noticed a lot of things at the meetings, the cliques, the dynasty that this one family was building.. they had SO many family members at the meetings it was insane, and one of the sons who is around my age was a MS on his way to Elder, I couldn't believe it. It was a culture that I did not like, and did not fit in with. Well, I ended up meeting a worldly guy.. we ended up engaged. I came to the meeting with my engagement ring, and some sisters saw it, and were so excited, and I got the questions of "who is he?" "what congregation?!" etc, etc.. I dodged the questions as best as I could. next thing you know I am in the "backroom" with the Elders who are asking me if we had sex, "how do you know he loves you?" i remember that question like it happened yesterday, I couldn't believe it! There was no disciplinary action, I just never came back.
That marriage ended due to a lot of issues, physical, emotional abuse, etc. But I ended up reconnecting with a childhood friend, and we ended up falling in love. We got married in 2010, and I have been happy ever since. I have shown up at a meeting here and there.. went to the Memorial and got a lot of "oh, we miss you so much", etc, etc.. I just feel it is so fake. These people could care less about me, if they cared.. why has no one called?? They can get my number from my mother!!
Things I know to be true in the JW organization:
1. If you are an Elder's child.. you can get away with ANYTHING! case in point: A few years ago, an elder's son's mugshot was seen online for "soliciting a sex act- oral sex". It spread like wildfire.. even to JW"s in other states! Well, the Elder told the P.O that he was handling it within his family and that was the end of it. No investigation.. no one was DF'd.. publicly disciplined.. nothing.
2. My ex BF that i was doing all my dirt with when I was a teenager was an Elder's daughter as well. She got married to a worldly guy, and was only disciplined.. never df'd. They ended up getting a divorce, and she started dating a MS. She admitted to me that they had sex (went into detail abt it).. then they got engaged. And were planning to have the wedding at the KH. I asked her if she thought that was a good idea since they had sex.. she then LIED to me and said they hadn't had sex. I said..then why would you tell me that?! It didn't make sense.. she said she was trying to "fit in". (???) again... made no sense to me. I think she was trying to convince herself not me. I ended up doing her makeup for her JW wedding, and haven't seen/talked to her since. I don't want to be associated with people like that.
3. My ex BF that I was on the Assembly with was well known in her H.S. She cursed, fought, etc.. but when she came to the hall was this perfect angel. (Also an Elder's daughter) A few of my mom's friends could tell she was fake, and it was for this reason that I liked them so much. She is also a part of the dynasty that I mentioned, and her brother is the one that propositioned the police officer and was arrested. We even almost had a physical altercation at the DC... she told me that if she ever saw me on her block she would "beat me down bloody" that's what she said verbatim. Someone literally came and walked me off because I was about to haul off on her.
4. If someone says they saw you do something, etc etc.. the Elders will automatically accuse you and pull you into the "back room". They never consider the source or tell people to mind their own business. isn't that what the bible says?
5. If you are 18 and not married, you will probably never get married.
6. 9 times out of ten, the couples that are getting married have already had sex with each other.
7. Elders wives are messy and arrange marriages with different families.. It has been done! I went to one of these weddings. It was a "double wedding". How do both daughters end of dating and marrying 2 brothers from the same family?! It has come to light that the mother bribed the sons with cars, a house, etc.. just to get them married. One of the couples ended up breaking up. The other is "stuck" since she ended up getting pregnant.
I could go on and on... I still believe in God.. I consider myself a spiritual person, but I have seen so many things that have wained my faith in the JW organization. There are so many good people in it, but there are so many politics involved, unfairness, hypocrisy.. I just can't take it!