My name is Allie. I was raised a JW from the time I was 3 years old. My step-mother had been raised as a Catholic but converted quite easily. Up until I was a teenager things were ok I guess. My step-mom was abusive and my father was never around but I was really to young to understand that this was not normal. When I became a teenager I started to rebel. I wanted to listen to rock music, 80's hair bands to be exact, and my step-mom was convinced I was really wanting to worship the Devil. I left home for a few months when I was 15 and my step-mom forced me into disassociating myself from the congregation. Granted I had done nothing wrong other then my choice in music which was really just an affront to her senses and nothing more. She was a pioneer at the time and we held the book-study in our home and she had to give all that up but it was worth it to her to make an example out of me. I was 15. I later got reinstated because I hated being ignored. When I was 17 I started acting out, going out and meeting guys. When I was 18 I met a young man at work and we started dating...nothing else...just dating...my parents kicked me out despite the fact that I had almost 3 months of high school left, so I was forced to live with friends, sleeping on couches, living in a house with a bunch of crazy people one of whom stole my car. Eventually I ended up living with my boyfriends family and we were married after dating for less then a year. I was 19. I married him to make my parents happy and needless to say the marriage did not last but 6 years but I did get 3 beautiful children from him for which I am grateful.
I later met and married an old high school friend and we have been together for 15 years. In those 15 years we have both gone back and forth with going to the meetings, trying to please everyone, doing things and agreeing with things that I really had a hard time with. For a time I was addicted to meth but I am happy to say that I have been clean for almost 7 years. I got clean without the help of anyone, certainly did not receive any help from any of my so called JW "friends" or even my mother. I have been disfellowshipped twice and reinstated twice.
2 years ago I just stopped going. I was so tired of people being so judgmental and liars and hypocrites. Some in the new congregation we were attending were down right mean and hurtful, to my children no less, which I just had to draw the line. I had also started to question so many things and refused to just go along with "blind faith" and accepting rules and such that really made no sense to me what so ever.
Now I find myself missing the feeling of belonging to something bigger then myself and I still believe in God but I can't make myself go back just so I can find some friends or whatever because I know most of the people are fake.
I would really like to connect with some new people, people who are open-minded and willing to get to know me and my family and accept us for who we are and not try to make us into something we are not.