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Hello all

Hi there! I'm Libelle. I never was a JW, but am married to one. The Mr was interested in it years before he met me, then stopped being involved. After we'd been together about 5 years he got involved again. We married a few months into his renewed studying, he became a publisher and then got baptized in. I'm a Pantheistic Pagan and UU (was raised Catholic) so our beliefs are at great odds, as you might imagine.

Welcome Libelle. It is an interesting combination, and I say that says a lot about your relationship considering how Witnesses are not supposed to marry outside "the truth." But it seems like there may be more of that, so it'll be interesting to hear all the stories. Look forward to talking more.

Thanks for sharing your story, and sorry for putting up with dysfunctional people like us. It takes time to heal from the abuse of a cult.

Welcome libelle, even though you've always been on The Broad Road.

 

I would recommend reading the articles and watching the videos here and slowly asking him questions to get him to think. Just go slowly, be gentle, it will collapse his foundation.

 

Let us know if we can be of help further.

The real truth will stand up to any scrutiny.

OutNAbout - I think that because we were a well established couple, I was pregnant at the time and blah blah blah, that it was acceptable enough. Or maybe they just wanted him to "make an honest woman outta me"  We had already been through alot together, pre-JW -with his exes and my step kids and all, probably that helped establish a "concrete" looking relationship? IDK. But here we are, married.

EnjoyingFreedom - thanks for the welcome. Well, don't worry, I'm just as dysfunctional as any recovering Catholic. haha

 

Jeremy - Thanks. Yeah I know I"m kind of jumping into a world where I'm not exactly a part, but I'm trying to learn about this from the outside. Too often if a JW hears you asking questions, they think you want to join up. I'm on a few fora trying to sort it all out.

 

 

 

Jeremy - Thanks. Yeah I know I"m kind of jumping into a world where I'm not exactly a part, but I'm trying to learn about this from the outside. Too often if a JW hears you asking questions, they think you want to join up. I'm on a few fora trying to sort it all out.

 

When I say question, I mean the kinds of questions that his religious beliefs simply cannot answer, thereby making him rethink it's truthfulness.

The real truth will stand up to any scrutiny.

how many time have we come across this! someone inactive as a jw, meets and marries and THEN decides to change completely and go back into the jws,

 

id say dont question anything head on, cos they are so incredibly defensive about anything like that and they just shut down and get defensive and will mentally decide to shut their ears anytime you start to even speak about it, cos remember its not a logical reason he is in that religion ITS A MASSIVE EMOTIONAL CRUTCH! so hes going to protect it like hell,    just show curiousity so he never thinks you are being critical, cos once he gets a whiff that you are, he will shut down. is my opinion.

 

i would recommend including him a great life out in the real world, get him meeting loads of lovely people and seeing by actions not words, the lovely life you have in freedom,

 

and not gettting drawn in to their social life et etc (unless youwant to) dont let things slide into that, cos they WILL try to take over your life and draw you in.   they are incredibly into the long game, and cos they convert a minute amount of people, they will live in hope forever and a day that you will eventually "SEE THE LIGHT" and join them,

 

Yeah, about 2.5 years ago, when I was feeling the most angry about it, I would just rage about all the little things constantly (didn't help that I had a rather colicky newborn screaming while I was, haha). Now I've turned it way down, and try my best to not address thigns. Now that doesn't always happen. It seems about once every few months, I just can't take it and we have a discussion that winds up with me getting angry and pissy at the WTS. I have been working on a better strategy, but it's hard as hell.

You're right, hari, it's a hell of an emotional crutch. I'd love to get him out and about with non-JW's but most of my friends/family get together based on holidays, birthdays, etc. So it's tough.

 

And OMG, yeah, at first I would be nice and go to their social events, those are excruciating. I've refused lately, except this past weekend, which showed to be another BIG mistake. It never ceases to amaze me how poorly they read people and how intrusive they can be - they ask wayyyyy too personal questions from people they barely know. yikes.

god i used to be one of those (i am so ashmaed to say!) asking those personal questions,   its only a few years out and about in the real world that i get it, that its soooo intrusive to ask the stuff they do,

 

i think its cos they think they have the right to know things and that people cant be different, and also they are always looking for a weak link, a way in,

 

sounds to me like you have sussed alot out already libelle, so well done you,

 

i think its the emotional crutch thing that will be hardest as that goes deep into someones psyche - well it did in mine, but i did leave in the end,

 

good luck xxx